Run with the moon

Well, well, well. I have to be honest, in all of my years spent in liberal study, (history, political science, cultural anthropology, philosophy), I wanted to see a day like today happen, but I was afraid I might never see it in my lifetime. A majority female and a minority male ran competing campaigns for the president of the United States. Amazing in and of itself. As we all know now, President Barrack Obama, the first African-American/black/minority/whatever you want to call it, (I despise political correctness for it’s emasculation of the language and the manner in which it hides the truth of what people believe), has just been sworn in to office. It is a great and historic day. I should be proud and exhilarated.

From the break room at work I watched former president G.W. Bush walk away towards his waiting helicopter and end his time in our nation’s highest office. At this moment, I am simply happy to be employed. My wife is rumoured to be getting a pay cut. Many of my friends have already been cut 10%, but again should be thankful they even have jobs. In 8 years, the man who could barely form a coherent sentence has utterly and irrevocably ruined this nation. We have what was once the finest military mired in desert brush fire engagements where they do not belong, (and no, I’m no sappy liberal there. I believe in military service and it’s proper application). Our once powerful economy, (admittedly it was falsely powerful as it grew in ways it never should have), lays shattered and at the mercy of the worlds economic equivalent of hyenas and other carrion eaters. Education and the environment seem to have been set back twice as far as the two terms of office we have had to endure. I want to believe that there may be some hope for the future, but I look at my fellow Americans in shame and disgust as their waistlines grow, their intellects shrink and it becomes obvious that they are bereft of all notions of civic duty and common courtesy to the last.

While it is difficult to blame the woes of the world on a single person or group of people, it is still satisfying to have a scapegoat. While I hope that there is strength enough to pull this once proud nation and people back from the precipice of the abyss, I am at least happy in the knowledge that the Bush Crime Syndicate, that vile group of thugs & warmongers who extorted and raped the American people, economy and the very Constitution itself, is on it’s way out. In many ways, I am surprised. I almost thought they might find a way to increase the term limits or even make a bid to simply seize power like the fascists that they are. I suppose it should be said that for once losing popularity served a real purpose.

So, on that note, I just want to say one more thing.

Goodbye and good riddance George Bush. May you rot in whatever hell you think you believe in you piece of shit. Fuck off.

This one goes out specifically to the bald-headed fucker in the queer-ass, champagne-colored, late-model Toyota Tacoma pickup who cut me off on the I-10/40th St freeway exit at approx 9:00am on September 13th, 2007. Yeah you, ya fucker! I’ll give you credit, at least you had the balls to stick you head out of the window and TRY to offer me an excuse before you told me to fuck off. Most of the whiny, in-bred, minivan drivers just hide behind their tinted windows and act they they didn’t do anything wrong and pretend that I’m not there calling them a cock sucker.

No, I have a hunch you didn’t like the fact that I called you a hillbilly, what with your bullshit straw cowboy hat so prominently displayed in the back window and what I SWEAR was a camo t-shirt on. Oh yea, lots of cattle to rustle and buck to hunt down here in Phoenix. Hoo-boy! I know exactly what you did because EVERY ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES IN A CAR does the same damn thing. 2 lanes available to a right turn and, if you remember from your drivers test YOU STAY IN THE ASSOCIATED LANE. Right-most lane and middle lane. NOT THE LANE TO THE LEFT BECAUSE YOU ARE SPEEDING AND HOPING TO MAKE THE LIGHT! That lane you so blithely drifted into was MINE and you did it because you were probably late for work and driving like a dumb-ass. My favorite part was the “I didn’t see you”, comment. YOU WERE BEHIND ME! How the fuck do you miss a 215lbs man with a long, dark pony tail in a black shirt on a dark bike in broad daylight? I’ll tell you how…

BECAUSE YOU’RE A SELF-ABSORBED, COCKSUCKER WHO CAN’T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR BEING A BORN FUCK-UP!

Fuck you, you fuckin’ bald fuck! And fuck all of you cage driving pieces of shit, blissfully ignorant of the wide world around you. The kid making the left turn at that same light this morning may have had the right attitute. The back of his helmet had a sticker stating the obvious, “Cars Suck”.

Ahh, the first rant in my new blog.

While I’m generally a pretty laid back guy, there are a number of things which just get under my skin and the only way for me to feel better about them is to rant & rave until my urge to fucking kill somebody subsides. So, without further ado, HOV Lanes.

For those of you who don’t know, (and I’m certain there must be plenty of you), HOV stands for High Occupancy Vehicle. An HOV Lane is a lane designed for traffic use by vehicles which carry a disproportionately high ratio of passengers:available occupancy. In other words, a car pool lane. The original intent, (what’s that old adage about the road to hell?), was to provide a measure of encouragement to drivers who do something to minimize traffic, and by extension pollution and resource depletion. So, motorcycles, busses, alternative fuel vehicles and the original car pool vehicles get to ride in the nice and relatively free flowing HOV Lane while all of the single drivers sit still in bumper to bumper traffic.

During morning and evening rush hour, (locally 7a-9a and 3p-7p), qualified vehicles may use the HOV Lane while unqualified vehicles get a whopping $500 ticket. My own wife was once party to such a ticket and learned that lesson the hard way. Still, some never get a ticket. Such are the vagaries of life in metropolitan traffic.

So, by now you’re wondering what the hell I plan on ranting about? Well, I’ll be more than happy to tell you. People who don’t belong in it! Now, I recognize that the whole key to doing something you shouldn’t relies on not getting caught. Occasionally breaking a traffic law is a victimless crime, for the most part. What I’m specifically referring to are the handful of assholes who regularly and blatantly disregard the rules for MY LANE, (I ride a motorcycle every single day, ran or shine. So, yes, it’s MINE!), and become anything from a mild nuisance to a genuine threat to my health and welfare.

#1- The MiniVan. You fucking jackholes are a waste of my space to begin with, but when you jump in my lane and use it simply because you have a single child seat in the back, you have got to be kidding me! You are using a carpool lane to drive your infant-toddler around town while you go shopping? That is the biggest joke and among the worst of my peeves regarding HOV Lane traffic. Your infant does NOT qualify you for HOV status. The intent of the lane it to decrease traffic. Your infant cannot drive and therefore violates the intent of the lane in the first place. I will grant those of you parents who share the driving duties with other parents. If your MiniVan, *shudder*, is chock full of other parent’s brats, then at least you are making SOME effort to keep all of those parents from congesting the highway to whatever soccer game, mall outing or school function they have to get to. Having a brood of your own, (yes, I’m looking at you Mormons and other breeding factories who can’t stop at just enough kids to replace mom & dad), does not constitute use of the HOV Lane.

#2- The Slow Poke. While this may include valid and non-valid users of the lane, regardless of validity you need to pull your head out of your ass and press your foot down on the accelerator. You are merging from dead stop traffic into a high speed lane. That does not mean you enter it like granny gum taking a bowel movement. Get your ass in that lane quickly and drive like you’ve got a pair. Otherwise you’re likely to become someone else’s hood ornament. The fact that by law you are generally not considered at fault because you are in front does not mitigate the fact that you are a fucking asshat.

#3- The No-Signal User. You wastes of space think that just because the lane APPEARS free that you can jump in at a whim. While most drivers are so totally predictable in their actions as to make driving in traffic feel like playing chess as a grandmaster, there are a few of you who defy any convention of predictability. For the love of Mike, use a damn signal once in awhile. Suddenly seeing someone jumping into MY LANE right in front of me without so much as a single blinking light is pretty damn harrowing. Assuming I don’t become one with your trunk or leave a nice big scrap down the left side of your vehicle, you should understand that THIS is why I have just flipped you the bird as I zoom by.

#4- The Self-Important Jackhole. While I’m the first to admit that I am bloated with my own sense of self superiority, I do occasionally know when to be humble. This particular class of cocksmoker, in his/her 7 series BMW or Hummer, thinks that the sun rises and sets at their whim and that they fart perfume and shit chocolate gelato. With nose held high, they blithely zip in and out of whatever lane they choose. Be it ignorance or apathy, they simply do not give a rat’s ass about anything around them unless if scratches their precious paint job or inconveniences their commute. I really wish that I could ignore you like you ignore me, but I cannot because if I do you’ll paste me against some other vehicle or concrete divider. Pull your head out of your ass!

As a cyclist, I’m forced to view life and traffic a little differently. I do not have the luxury of 6 air bags, vehicle stability assist and anti-lock brakes to take care of me in my ignorance. I have to take care of myself, making each thrilling moment of my time in traffic both exhilarating and harrowing. All I ask from my fellow motorists is to pay a little bit more attention and realize that we cyclists are always out there.